Today, a funny thing happened in the middle of worship. You can call me crazy if you want, I don’t care. I know what happened. I heard God’s voice. I’ve heard it before but this time, I heard His voice with such clarity there was no denying it!
I struggle a great deal with self worth and loving myself. In fact, for as long as I can remember, I have carried a great deal of self-loathing. My consistent denigration of myself comes from the abuse I suffered as a child at the hands of a non-familial caregiver. Hating yourself and who you are is not Biblical, it’s another tool Satan uses to draw you into darkness. I know that all too well.
God doesn’t make trash, nor does He make mistakes. HE. LOVES. ME. Self loathing is disagreeing with God. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, Psalm 139:14 . Think about it, Jesus hung on the cross, died a violent and painful death, and all because He loves you. Hating yourself undermines what He has done for you. If you don’t love yourself, how can you truly love anybody?
We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19
Love your neighbor as yourself. Matthew 22:39
So, as I was singing Resurrecting today, God spoke to my heart and, get this, He told me to hug myself. At first, I scoffed and thought it was silly. Then His voice came again, and I realized this firm request was more than a whimsical notion. I wrapped my arms across my chest and grabbed under each opposite arm. I flexed my muscles and squeezed with all the strength in me while burying my head into the embrace. Then I heard; Love yourself like I love you.
When the song finished, I raised my head to discover my face dripping wet. I kid you not, tears soaked my cheeks and arms! You’d think I just had one of those sobbing, ugly cry moments but in truth, I didn’t even know I was bawling. I was so overcome with His love, the entire world melted away.
JESUS LOVES ME, HE REALLY LOVES ME. HE LOVES YOU TOO! It’s not just a song we teach children, IT’S REAL. I guess I’ve always known it, but today I actually felt it.